Tradition or Progressive Innovation?

Tonight, while cooking dinner, I heard on the radio some advice from a family expert.  This advice was nothing new, in fact it is something that I have already put into practice with my own family.  The 'advisor' simply stated that we as adults with children need to cut ties with our parents during the holidays and start our own family traditions. He was quite emphatic about the importance of everyone doing this.  Thank goodness that I have already been doing just this very thing for the last 10 years, of course it was started mainly as an excuse to avoid my in-laws and all there traditions that were so different from my own.   Now, thanks to my kids never forgetting anything festive I have ever done from year to year, we have managed to load the three week holiday window full of our own 'special' traditions that my future daughter-in-laws will no doubt find unsettling to their psyche.

But, here is the thought I had after hearing this great advice.  Why spend years building up traditions that your own kids for the 'sake' of their future families will have to walk away from?  Years of excessive decorating, gingerbread house making, wassailing, Christmas cookie decorating, and Christmas Eve pajama gift opening, not to mention the advent calendars and Christmas parties with friends all so that one day my kids can say, "Sorry mom and dad, but my wife doesn't like you and the family counselor says we need to build our own traditions."

Will I find myself sitting around drinking spiked eggnog, listening to my outdated Harry Connick Jr. Christmas CD, while 'decorating' the house with what is left of my 20 plus year old fake garland?  Odds are the tree will have long since gone the way of a garage sale.  Perhaps my husband, the cats, and I will have started a few new traditions like watching "Elf" in our Snuggies while passing around the canned gourmet cat food.

Isn't a tradition by definition something that is passed down from generation to generation. If this Christmas time together thing is only supposed to last 18 - 20 years max, why do we call it a tradition?  Perhaps a better title would be 'Progressive Innovation'.  Okay, so those were the only two antonyms for 'tradition' that I could find.  But, I think I've made my point.

By the way, as a side note I just want to add that I take no responsibility for my run on sentences, typos and grammatical errors.  According to Jane Austen this is just part of my make up due to my preselected gender.

"...the usual style of letter writing among women is faultless, except in three particulars...A general deficiency of subject, a total inattention to stops, and a very frequent ignorance of grammar."

Northanger Abby

All is Fair in Love and War

I have started and erased three different ideas tonight.  Nothing sounds right to me.  I must still be sick of my own voice.  As I am typing, my husband is trying to figure out how to keep his Clark Griswold trees from blowing the circuit and consequently locking up the garage door and stopping the basement pump from, well, pumping.  The brilliant electrician ran all of our outdoor plugs on one circuit.  I'm being serious, he was probably a brilliant man. However, even he could not have anticipated someone, a.k.a my husband, lighting up five evergreens with 5000 sparkly lights.  Anyway, this is our great dilemma for the evening. 

The boys are running around having warfare with the next door neighbor. I know this will not end well; it never does.  Soon the cries of injustice will be heard all through the house.  I don't think they have yet learned that all is fair in love and war.  I guess if I were being honest, I would have to say that I don't think I have learned that one myself.

  At this moment I am trying to imagine a world where anytime there was an infraction or wrong done against us, we just went, "Eh, it's all fair."  Stuff would still happen, but we wouldn't get so ticked off with each other.  If we were never ticked off, then we couldn't become angry, and with out anger what would we fight about?  Not much really.  I mean the obvious things would still be there to have altercations over, things like power and money.  But, I like to hope that we would be a bit more polite about it.   Kind of like when my kids play soccer and we are encouraged to cheer for everyone, even the other team and then at the end all the players have to line up and say good job, over and over again, to each other.  Could you imagine during WWII, the Japanese saying, "Wow! Great job on that Atomic bomb thing; we just didn't see it coming.  Kudos to you guys."  Just something to think on or not, it's your choice.

Why Do Cats Seem So Much More Loving in the Winter?

I am an animal lover.  Well, let me rephrase.  I like all animals, but LOVE cats.  I find that I can now say this not only without shame, but with a certain bit of pride.  So many people today either can't stand cats or are conveniently allergic to them.  These very same people and many others out there are all avid dog lovers.  I believe that for once in my life, I now find myself part of an exclusive group. 

The 'cat people' group is a rare and somewhat novel place to find oneself.  Now, I know that a few of our members are lonely spinsters or widows that are covered with their own special 'coat' of fur.  But, most of us are just uniquely superior beings that enjoy the challenge of earning love.  I get that love should be freely given and all that.  But, I have always taken great pride in earning things, even affection.

 No cat just gives its affection away, their love and trust is built slowly over time. Usually, after several days, weeks, even months of owning a new furry friend I will wake up to find them curled up next to me purring.  What an amazing moment! Through patience and perseverance I've earned something's trust.  I know in these moments I always have a big smile on my face.  That is until I throw back the covers to discover, "Holy Crap it's freezing!"   I must admit each year after the end of winter, I conveniently forget the suspiciously affectionate behavior my cats' show towards me, especially when I happen to be covered in blankets. 

So, maybe their trust is never fully earned and I do feel a level of disappointment when I realize that weather has a lot to do with the 'love' I am given, but it still makes me feel special.  Not the short bus special, but the good kind that says I mean something to someone.  Even if it is just warmth.  I have yet to find my cats curled up with visiting winter guests or my unpredictable 6 year old, so I choose to believe that maybe some trust has been earned after all.  Anyway, I like having goals to work towards.  If I had a dog, there would be nothing left to do except wait for the hero worship to begin when ever I walked in the room.  I think that would get old.  Very much like an unearned vacation or pay check.  This could get very political if I don't stop things where they are.  I must say though, that these ramblings of mine seem to get worse each time. I must try to remember to write these things before I am worn out after a long day of non stop giving everyone else what they need.  It so hard to be such giver. Yes, I am aware that I keep using the same words over and over, but I used up all my good words when I was giving today.  Now, I need to finish with a great closing line.
 
Maybe, a hero worshipping dog wouldn't be such a bad idea after all, perhaps I'll look into it.

Time to Be Quiet

Do you ever get sick of your own voice?  Well, I often do and today I am just tired of hearing both my written and verbal.  I can't say for sure why I feel this way, but as with most things in my life, I have a theory.  Perhaps its just some inner gauge that is letting me know, it's time to be quiet. 

So often instead of listening I go off on a blurting spree, saying whatever is on my mind.  Although, in the moment I believe that what I have said is of the utmost importance, often I have lost an opportunity to learn something or just get a different perspective.  Then, to make matters worse, on those occasions that I find myself alone and in no danger of interrupting others, I rarely take the opportunity to reflect.  Nope, at such times, I am usually off to my next 'creative' plan or idea for internal or external improvement.  I tend to grab one of my many notepads that I leave lying around, for just these moments, and write whatever my 'voice' happens to be telling me.  I have pieces of paper tucked all over the place reminding me to do everything from cutting branches from the yard to decorate with, to finding a parenting book that will help me avoid all those pesky errors that everyone around me seems to be making.

 When that 'sick' feeling comes on, the one that is trying to tell me, "shhhh" , I make a big effort to do just that.  I find, at these times, that my spirit craves the listening and reflecting in the same way my body craves vegetables after a holiday food binge.  Life can't always be one big extravaganza.  In order for anything good to come out, things of value need to be put in.  I think perhaps that I would become mad or insane, if everything I said or did was of my own creation. 

So, with that said tonight I am off to listen even if it is only to my own reflections.

Game Point

Post Thanksgiving dinner while we were all sitting around talking, the final point was scored.   Here's the transcript of the incredible victory.

Me:  My kids are exhausting me, this is clearly why I haven't aged well.

Mom:  I agree...

Me:  WHAT!  I can't believe you just agreed to that.

Mom:  Wait let me finish, I mean that yes I agree it is exhausting and that it ages you.

Me:  How is that supposed to make me feel better?

Jessica: I think she just got Game Point.

Comments From Contributing Writer Jessica

I am honored to be this month's contributing writer.  Tansy is taking a break today to enjoy the holiday with her family. 

Actually, Tansy would like to contribute, but she is still reeling from the double blow that I dealt her today.  Everyone has their gifts, mine is cards.  I'm not unusually gifted, just unusually gifted for this family.  Especially when compared to Tansy.  She has heart and spirit, but that has never been enough to secure a victory against my genius. Despite her emotional outbursts and artistic movements , again and again she loses.

There is actually a life lesson tied into all of this. Sometimes the "good" guy doesn't win; sometimes no matter how hard we try it doesn't go our way. We may sweat over, research, pray through, etc a difficult situation believing we will win and still "lose". Do we then give up and say "whatever will be, will be"? I say no.

I have two kids of my own and I have often told them when working with a difficult personality "You don't know where that person is coming from. What is there home life? What are they going through that causes where they are?" This enables them to step back, have compassion, try a little understanding. In the case of the card games today, I needed these wins. I won't go into why, but I NEEDED these wins. She lost and met a need of mine. It hurt her, but did good ultimately. She gracefully gave to me a gift.

So I say sweat, research, pray and follow through and if in the end you still lose, take comfort in the fact you may have just provided a MUCH NEEDED gift for someone else.

Back Pocket Score Card

So, today my sister and I were out purchasing some ingredients for our Thanksgiving dinner. Like all of our 'trips' to the store together this one was full of some truly brilliant comments and ideas.  Just in case anyone was wondering what exactly red velvet cake was, it is in fact ... well I still don't know, but we had a lovely discussion with the resident baker, Christa.  And, even manged to snag a 'free' sample. 

Now, shortly before checking out at the store, our mother called my sister to get a better idea of how much longer they would be on the road, and quickly stated that they were on the Muskogee turnpike.  Jess(I have been given permission to use her first name) replied, "Do you mean the Tulsa one?"  "No, the Muss-ke-ki-ghe one...wait let me check my Mapquest.", was the response she heard.  Finally, after a short pause mom said,  "The Mus-kiki/Tulsa turnpike."  Later, Jess told me, "Ding! Point for me".  She then proceeded to say she was going to keep a score card in her back pocket, and every time she was proved right she would mark a point.  But, every time she was criticized by our mom, mom would get a point.  At the end of the visit, if she had more tally marks then mom than she would win.  Instantly, I piped in that I wanted to play too. 

The cards are now in the process of being put together and fingers crossed we should have a clear winner by Friday morning