My 6 year old son: "Mom! I don't get it? Why do moms do all the work and dads just walk around?"
Me: "Ask your dad and get back to me."
Just a small glimpse into my world. It's moments like this that I live for. I am not sure if this is a compliment, but I have decided to take it as one. My days are filled with one unmomentous task after another, and often I don't think they are noticed. Well, except when I am vacuuming right in front of the television, during an important telecast of 'Jimmy Neutron'. So, when my cantankerous and opinionated little friend throws a statement like this at me, all I can do is smile and think, "I must be doing something right."
Thursday, December 16, 2010
Tuesday, December 14, 2010
Balancing the Holidays
I must say, I am quite worn out from the holiday season. Shockingly, I had 90% of my shopping done before Thanksgiving. My exhaustion comes from 'celebrating' the season. I spent years of my life hoping and wishing to be part of the Christmas parties and celebrations all around me. Now I find myself longing to curl up alone on my couch and watch that movie with the ugly green guy that hates Christmas.
My family wasn't the most sociable lot and my mother's only consent to holiday traditions was the annual decorating of the not so edible sugar cookies. When I became an adult, my own insecurities kept me from being the sociable creature that was apparently hiding inside. A little FYI, insecure people don't tend to get invited to parties and never throw them. It wasn't until fairly recently, when I decided to let my little sprightly light shine, that I began to experience all the season has to offer. I am now beginning to realize that perhaps 'all' may be a bit much.
Now, I am a great touter of balance. Mostly because I rarely have it in my own life. In my exuberance to experience all that is merry, I seem to go a bit overboard. There are the obvious housewife things, like baking cookies (not my mom's recipe), making gingerbread houses, decorating the house, twinkle lights outside, etc. But, what seems to push me over the top is my incessant need to host one extravaganza after another along with the acceptance of all invitations that come my way. Now that my insecurities are nicely hidden, I can't seem to keep the offers to socialize away.
So, here I find myself half way through the season having hosted two parties with three to go. And, I have lost count of the number of festive events I have already attended. Quite honestly, I think my unsociable mother may have been on to something. Her holidays may have been boring, but no one will ever be able to say she was stressed. I really have no desire to revert back to the days of my youth and isolation, but do feel that I need to work on the balance thing.
That said, I am currently working on a list of things NOT to repeat for next year and the reasons why. I plan on taping the list to my box of fall decorations, so that I will have plenty of time to ponder the voice of reason before I start inviting the entire planet over for an ornament, sock, cookie or kid exchange. I'll let you know next year if I finally find balance, at least in this one area of my life.
My family wasn't the most sociable lot and my mother's only consent to holiday traditions was the annual decorating of the not so edible sugar cookies. When I became an adult, my own insecurities kept me from being the sociable creature that was apparently hiding inside. A little FYI, insecure people don't tend to get invited to parties and never throw them. It wasn't until fairly recently, when I decided to let my little sprightly light shine, that I began to experience all the season has to offer. I am now beginning to realize that perhaps 'all' may be a bit much.
Now, I am a great touter of balance. Mostly because I rarely have it in my own life. In my exuberance to experience all that is merry, I seem to go a bit overboard. There are the obvious housewife things, like baking cookies (not my mom's recipe), making gingerbread houses, decorating the house, twinkle lights outside, etc. But, what seems to push me over the top is my incessant need to host one extravaganza after another along with the acceptance of all invitations that come my way. Now that my insecurities are nicely hidden, I can't seem to keep the offers to socialize away.
So, here I find myself half way through the season having hosted two parties with three to go. And, I have lost count of the number of festive events I have already attended. Quite honestly, I think my unsociable mother may have been on to something. Her holidays may have been boring, but no one will ever be able to say she was stressed. I really have no desire to revert back to the days of my youth and isolation, but do feel that I need to work on the balance thing.
That said, I am currently working on a list of things NOT to repeat for next year and the reasons why. I plan on taping the list to my box of fall decorations, so that I will have plenty of time to ponder the voice of reason before I start inviting the entire planet over for an ornament, sock, cookie or kid exchange. I'll let you know next year if I finally find balance, at least in this one area of my life.
Thursday, December 9, 2010
Ambiance
I'm supposed to be writing my Christmas letter, at this moment. I packed the kids up and sent them out in the yard so I could watch them ice skate while I listen to my James Taylor Christmas CD, in hopes of gaining some inspiration. It just doesn't seem to be working, instead I have checked my email for the 10th time today and am now rambling away on here.
My life no matter how hard I try is not a picture post card. I have spent decades creating ambiance in order to set the tone for a perfect life. Although the ambiance is often remarkable, really people actually have been known to make remarks, it seems to provide nothing more than a bit of background noise to the life we are trying to live around it.
It's funny but my ice skaters never seem to stay out side for more than five minutes, pre lit trees burn out in random spots, pillows get smooshed, whimsical light fixtures get made fun of, delicate touches go unnoticed and rooms more often than not are rearranged to best execute the latest Nerf battle.
I am constantly telling myself that post cards are silly and unrealistic. Something that no one would really want, if it wasn't for the artistic eye of a talented photographer telling them otherwise. However, my mind wanders to another thought that makes me stop and say, "But, I love receiving post cards!" Especially ones that for a moment take me away from my life into places that speak a language this ordinary housewife most likely will never learn. So, I say bring on the ambiance! After all, who doesn't head to their mailbox each day harboring a secret desire for some fun mail? I mean in a day and age where paper trails are now nonexistent, we somehow have still held onto this ancient tradition of Christmas cards. I, in fact, heard of a person today that despite her exhaustion will send them out again this year out of fear that she will be removed from others' lists if she doesn't.
In my own crazy way, I have yet again brought my ramblings full circle back to my own avoidance of writing the dreaded Christmas letter. This year I will once more muster up the strength to share with 40 semi strangers the ins and outs of our year, in the hopes that a little ambiance in the form of holiday postcards will soon find a place in my mailbox.
My life no matter how hard I try is not a picture post card. I have spent decades creating ambiance in order to set the tone for a perfect life. Although the ambiance is often remarkable, really people actually have been known to make remarks, it seems to provide nothing more than a bit of background noise to the life we are trying to live around it.
It's funny but my ice skaters never seem to stay out side for more than five minutes, pre lit trees burn out in random spots, pillows get smooshed, whimsical light fixtures get made fun of, delicate touches go unnoticed and rooms more often than not are rearranged to best execute the latest Nerf battle.
I am constantly telling myself that post cards are silly and unrealistic. Something that no one would really want, if it wasn't for the artistic eye of a talented photographer telling them otherwise. However, my mind wanders to another thought that makes me stop and say, "But, I love receiving post cards!" Especially ones that for a moment take me away from my life into places that speak a language this ordinary housewife most likely will never learn. So, I say bring on the ambiance! After all, who doesn't head to their mailbox each day harboring a secret desire for some fun mail? I mean in a day and age where paper trails are now nonexistent, we somehow have still held onto this ancient tradition of Christmas cards. I, in fact, heard of a person today that despite her exhaustion will send them out again this year out of fear that she will be removed from others' lists if she doesn't.
In my own crazy way, I have yet again brought my ramblings full circle back to my own avoidance of writing the dreaded Christmas letter. This year I will once more muster up the strength to share with 40 semi strangers the ins and outs of our year, in the hopes that a little ambiance in the form of holiday postcards will soon find a place in my mailbox.
Wednesday, December 8, 2010
How to Accomplish Nothing
Accomplishing nothing in my day is an art that I have never quite perfected. But, every now and again the 'Perfect Storm' of a day hits and things work out just brilliantly. It is during these days that I tell myself to try and find the formula for future use. At this very moment, I don't have anything clear cut or fool proof but believe I am on to a few things.
Step one actually begins the night before. Try to do your best to have a get together, party or crazy evening that keeps you up past your bedtime.
Step two is critical, so no matter how tempting it may be to get up alert and on time, try to resist. You must stay in bed long enough to throw off your entire morning schedule.
Step three is not something that you can always control, but I think it definitely helps with the execution of the remaining steps. Try to have either a snowy or rainy day, this does wonders in helping one to function sub par.
Step four is to receive a phone call early in the day from someone who is also interested in accomplishing nothing and therefore is willing to ramble on about utter nonsense for a minimum of one hour.
Step five is to look at the clock, when step four is over, and decide to give up.
It is not only critical, but imperative to 'give up'. DO NOT be tempted to make up for lost time or 'try and get a few small things done'. Just QUIT.
As a stay at home mom, I hate to admit that I have wasted days, mostly because it is a constant battle to prove to the rest of the world that I have a valuable place in society. But every now and again, I'll stop jumping from one amazing task to another and follow steps one through five very carefully. I must say though, in all honesty, these days of waste are the ones that give me the strength to jump through the fiery hoops known as my life.
Step one actually begins the night before. Try to do your best to have a get together, party or crazy evening that keeps you up past your bedtime.
Step two is critical, so no matter how tempting it may be to get up alert and on time, try to resist. You must stay in bed long enough to throw off your entire morning schedule.
Step three is not something that you can always control, but I think it definitely helps with the execution of the remaining steps. Try to have either a snowy or rainy day, this does wonders in helping one to function sub par.
Step four is to receive a phone call early in the day from someone who is also interested in accomplishing nothing and therefore is willing to ramble on about utter nonsense for a minimum of one hour.
Step five is to look at the clock, when step four is over, and decide to give up.
It is not only critical, but imperative to 'give up'. DO NOT be tempted to make up for lost time or 'try and get a few small things done'. Just QUIT.
As a stay at home mom, I hate to admit that I have wasted days, mostly because it is a constant battle to prove to the rest of the world that I have a valuable place in society. But every now and again, I'll stop jumping from one amazing task to another and follow steps one through five very carefully. I must say though, in all honesty, these days of waste are the ones that give me the strength to jump through the fiery hoops known as my life.
Monday, December 6, 2010
Realistic Perspective
Whenever one decides to be oneself fully and completely, they need to expect to have to deal with some confrontation in their lives. Being real with yourself and people doesn't automatically absolve you from dealing with the consequences of your actions.
I am constantly saying things that I wish I could take back. Or as a friend of mine says about herself, "I have no filter." In order to let my little Tansy light shine, I have to remain as unguarded as possible. This can and has gotten very dangerous. I used to think that being real with myself and everyone around me brought a certain freedom. And to some extent it does, but it doesn't' free me from having to face awkward or even hurtful situations as a result of 'being me'.
I don't have any plans of becoming someone else, since I really don't know how to be other people. But, I have decided to try and limit my self exposure to the world. Not everyone is going to find me likable or interesting and despite being someone that needs constant affirmation of my complete genius, I have accepted this. Or at least am making a statement to all the world that I want to accept this.
Ultimately, I hope to come to a place where being me is about being me and not about finding acceptance as me. I will give you a moment to try and figure that one out .......... Okay, let me be more articulate. Being myself should be for the sole purpose of achieving what I was created for, not so that everyone will love me. That being said feel free to comment about how deep and amazing you find me.
I am constantly saying things that I wish I could take back. Or as a friend of mine says about herself, "I have no filter." In order to let my little Tansy light shine, I have to remain as unguarded as possible. This can and has gotten very dangerous. I used to think that being real with myself and everyone around me brought a certain freedom. And to some extent it does, but it doesn't' free me from having to face awkward or even hurtful situations as a result of 'being me'.
I don't have any plans of becoming someone else, since I really don't know how to be other people. But, I have decided to try and limit my self exposure to the world. Not everyone is going to find me likable or interesting and despite being someone that needs constant affirmation of my complete genius, I have accepted this. Or at least am making a statement to all the world that I want to accept this.
Ultimately, I hope to come to a place where being me is about being me and not about finding acceptance as me. I will give you a moment to try and figure that one out .......... Okay, let me be more articulate. Being myself should be for the sole purpose of achieving what I was created for, not so that everyone will love me. That being said feel free to comment about how deep and amazing you find me.
Thursday, December 2, 2010
Broken Promises
Being the author of a well read blog brings great power. With this power, comes the ability to change anything I want about how things are done. That being said, I hear by take back my promise to make 365 posts in 365 days. Seriously, as most of you have figured out by now, I really don't have that much to say. The stress to write everyday is getting to be too much. I realize that I am letting down so many people, but like many in power that have gone before me have shown, it is my job to look out for myself and only myself. For those of you that would like to know when I am sharing my 'wisdom' with the world, feel free to click on the subscribe button at the top of my page. Each time I have something life changing to say, you will receive a notification via email. In closing, I just want to give a special thank you to my loyal followers of the last 30 posts. I believe that your faithfulness has melded our lives together for eternity.
Tansy
Tansy
Wednesday, December 1, 2010
Things Aren't Always What They Seem
Tonight I am making peppermint chocolate/white chocolate chip cookies for some firemen. I bring this up for one reason. Sometimes things sound better than they really are. At this point, I am considering taking our family name off the thank you note attached to them. I have visions of being tracked down and accused of attempting to murder 40 volunteer firefighters. Can someone die from undercooked cookies? Anyway that's all I have for tonight.
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