This list has made me feel better than any conversation or therapy session that I have had since my diagnosis.
I don't like what this experience has done to me.
I don't like that I am still struggling.
I don't like that I am in pain most of the time.
I don't like that I have to do this alone.
I don't like feeling that no one really wants to know how I am doing.
I don't like having to pretend that I am okay for my family.
I don't like how I look now.
I don't like waking up.
I don't like that I have to get dressed in the morning.
I don't like people telling me that I look normal.
I don't like that I have to do normal things.
I don't like that others are living full busy lives.
I don't like that I have had to face death.
I don't like that I have crumbled under the weight of it all.
I don't like that I am just a number to the doctors and health professionals.
I don't like that when people find out about me they have to share about someone they know with cancer.
I don't like feeling that I am just one of millions with this problem.
I don't like being told that my feelings will pass.
I don't like being told that I will be normal again.
I don't like that my husband is bored with this.
I don't like that I can't give myself any grace.
I don't like having to be mom and all that still entails.
I don't like failing at being mom and all that entails.
I don't like that I feel abandoned by my family and friends.
I don't like that I now know that I am not in control of anything.
I don't like having my bruised body cut open every week and my skin stretched beyond a normal threshold of pain.
I don't like that I am doing this just to look normal in my clothes.
I don't like being told that it isn't that bad.
I don't like that I am scared, sad and angry most of the time.
I don't like pretending that I am not scared, sad or angry most of the time.
I don't like that I am not stronger.
I don't like that something this small has shaken me so badly.
I don't like that my faith feels weak.
I don't like that I no longer care about the things that mattered before this.
I don't like that I have to let a new life evolve.
I don't like that I don't know what I feel anymore.
I don't like that the best part of my day is the evening when I binge watch Netflix while drinking wine and eating crappy snacks.
I don't like that I feel patronized and misunderstood.
I don't like that those that I thought would help get me through this can't or won't.
I don't like that this realization has been more painful than any of the treatments I have gone through.
I don't like how feeling alive scares me.
I don't like that this has taken nearly 6 months of my life.
I don't like that I have to rebuild myself.
I don't like that I have survivors guilt.
I don't like that what I am feeling seems foreign to those around me.
I don't like that I have had to make difficult choices.
I don't like having to live with my choices.
I don't like that I have to be here.
I don't like how tired I have become.
I don't like feeling vulnerable.
I don't like pretending that I care when people are talking to me about their lives.
I don't like not caring about other people's lives.
I don't like anything about cancer and what it has done to me.
