Thoughts on a Spring Afternoon

Well, my blog hasn't been used in some time. Upon reading my last post, I am pretty sure I know why.  The date was July 11, 2012.  On July 12 of that same year the bottom fell out of my well planned life.  I will spare you the gory details.  This isn't due to my innate kindness, but to the fact that all of my 14 followers are more than aware of what transpired.  Still curious?? Feel free to leave a comment and I will get back to you.  Now, moving on to the present.  Wait, before I get going I need to place a disclaimer.  I have had a rather large glass of my favorite white wine and cannot be responsible for any typos or possible confusing statements.

Okay, time to write something of merit.  The entire reason I have decided to come back to the land of blogging is that I have plenty to express and I have one too many 'friends' on Facebook and not nearly enough in real life. As I sit here typing, I find myself 7 months into a new life in North Carolina.  "New" is a strong word and come to think of it so is "life", but this is all the English Language currently has available to express my current situation. Unless, I want to add the word "hell".  But, that is not the point of this post.  No, the point is to discuss that at nearly 39 years of age I have decided to consider letting the second half of my life be dictated by who I am and not by what I believe is acceptable.  Let me elaborate.  I have spent the better part of the last four decades functioning on a level that involved an extreme amount of control.  I have carefully controlled my choices, husband, children, decor, 3 cats and on occasion the weather.  But, there is nothing I have controlled more than myself.  I must admit that in the right company and at the right moment this control has slipped.  Usually, it was followed by a reprimand that involved someone pointing out how I could have possibly gotten myself or others beaten to a pulp.  But, I digress.  I'm not sure if what I am experiencing is a mid life crisis, but I do feel that there is a crisis at hand.  I have two choices to make:  I can continue on my carefully laid path that involves sanity and a smaller therapy bill for my children or I can embrace the person that allows me the moments that bring a deep breath of air that can only be described as life giving,    

I'm pretty sure that I won't make my decision today, due to the fact that I must go prepare a carefully planned dinner.   But, I just wanted to make it known that I am quite aware that I am half way through the life I have been granted, yet have not fully lived in a manner expressing the person that I may have been created to be.

Let me just add that what I am considering in no way involves any intentional harm being inflicted on any living creature in my life.  I just want permission to let the type 'A' part of myself go and release the creative free spirit that has only on occasion been witnessed  to take over.