I long to write something beautiful and poetic. To share the depths of my inner being. Yet, I can never seem to find the right words. I always have plenty to help find the humor or irritations of life, but never the deep. I am afraid that the truth is I have closed off that part of me. The raw vulnerable part that is full of too much. Too much fear. Too much pain. Too much of the unsightly. I can't even stand to look at it myself. I have spent years practicing strength. And, I am strong, too strong. My strength comes with a hardness that is like an impermeable shell. I'm not sure I could even shatter it if I wanted to. And, I don't. I shudder at weakness of any kind. I hear my voice now saying, " Exposing weakness only makes you weaker." Showing the unlovely parts, makes you unlovable."
I long to write something beautiful and poetic....
I think I would say that exposing weakness will free you, not make you weaker...Even Christ exposed his "weakness" if you want to call it that--not wanting to suffer the cross, and asking the Father if there was another way. Wouldn't that be exposing himself, in a way? (Although, I know there is no weakness in God--but Jesus was also a man, and knew what it was to be human.) Well, those are my off-the-top-of my-head thoughts for you to consider or blow away...love you, janice
ReplyDeleteFor me, when a friend exposes weakness, it makes her more real, more authentic, even more lovable in my opinion. Life is hard and painful sometimes, whether people want to admit it or not. God says He rains on the righteous and the unrighteous alike so we all have struggles. But we can only truly help others with their burdens when we make ourselves vulnerable to them and are willing to share our own weaknesses/struggles.
ReplyDeleteI agree with both of you, in the sense that my mind knows the truth. But, for whatever reason, I seem to internally battle with sharing too much of my struggles or weaknesses. After a while, it feels as if I am complaining. It also has been my observation that in this day and age we are all so busy with our own lives that we deliberately guard ourselves against the struggles of our friends and acquaintances. Most seem content for a nice chat and good laugh, and run from anything deeper. That said, I have come to a place where my struggles have become such that I need to share the burden, at least some of the time. Janice, I would never blow off any of your thoughts or advice. I still mention you and the wisdom you have imparted in my life to people. I even recently sought out an 'older' woman in our church and asked her to have coffee with me, in hopes that a friendship with a touch of wisdom will develop.
ReplyDeletei am always here- open for complaints or anything else.
ReplyDeletelike a 7/11, but with extended hours. just call- i miss you.
love ya- b
You are a true friend. I love you too.
ReplyDelete